Very often people ask a common question, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer: EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit). Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept of my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown.
People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
Sustaining love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can 'make' love. Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'.. . Not just a feeling. Remember this always: 'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'
This is a very good article. Those who are still single may learn something from here... Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
WHO REALLY CARES?
A lot of disasters are heard daily on the news but we as humans are all jaded to even the most horrifying of news. We carry on like its business as usual, my humble self included. We have developed such amazing thick skins; it would take more than just a mere bomb blast to jolt us. It’s almost like we’re evolving into a ‘homo-supreme’s or something equally spooky! However after some introspection caused by the current seizure of power across Nigeria, a country forecasted by America to become a failed nation by the year 2015. In this darkness an eerie thought from deep in my subconscious state, creeps into my conscious mind and I ask myself, “What is the world turning to?”
On almost what seems a daily basis, we hear of disasters, genocides, economic failures of Western countries- a trend that was once exclusively the right of a 3rd World country in Africa is gradually becoming a reality for countries like Greece. We hear of stock market crashes, global recession, and multiple coordinated bomb blasts in Afghanistan and Iraq and the reverberations are felt in the Gaza border. We hear of Ugandan genocides and mass rape of women by soldiers. Not to forget the flooding in Pakistan, tsunamis, and mudslides in China. Oh and did I mention the bush fires and heat waves in Russia and earthquakes in Haiti? More so the mainstream media whispers of unconfirmed rumors of nuclear weapons being developed in Iran and North Korea. Like all that’s not enough to cause a heart-attack, we hear of global warming on a daily basis!
I wonder what it would feel like to be a man who enters a coma in 1999 to wake up ten years later and hear all this bad news at once, would he rather wish he had died?
However the rationale behind writing this, is not necessarily to remind you of all of the things that are wrong with our world today as we’re only too aware of it. Nevertheless I write to you because I was wondering whether or not these are the signs of the End Times as predicted in the Bible? Your guess is as good as mine!
A great churches and pastors and prophets that abound on our streets, our T.V sets, and radio stations are yet to begin shouting from the pulpits and rooftops “Repent for the Kingdom of God is at hand!” Perhaps we Nigerians are not eager to hear such bad news just yet? Especially since its not been confirmed by CNN. A great number of them keep preaching the Good News when bad news surrounds us. They keep telling the message of prosperity. I confronted a certain pastor the other day on why this is so, and he plainly said, “Oh! That’s not my ministry; we’re into prosperity and faith building”. Man! I was flabbergasted, even though some of you may argue that his reply is the best definition of good intentions. But I thought that was a job for motivational speakers and life coaches! Are the two now so closely intertwined that we can’t tell the difference? But I totally get his point though, after all one must never interrupt a good story with the truth!
And so we mortals trudge on in a single file, blindfolded, hands on the shoulders of the man in front of us, marching along singing “Hosanna” and falling over a cliff into the bottomless pit with our “faith” intact. Open your eyes and see clearly! Take a peek and you’ll soon see that there’s more to life than chasing paper. There’s more to living than rushing to buy the latest fashion trends, hottest new gadget, saving or using your credit cards to own the “baddest” new Mercedes Benz AMG, waiting till its weekend to go out clubbing. Open your eyes! The world may not be coming to an end in 2012 as predicted by the Mayans but who said it couldn’t happen sooner?
Never before in modern day history has so many natural disasters happened at such closely spaced intervals but no one wants to connect the dots. Now before you accuse me of being an alarmist, false prophet or a pessimist; I assure you, I am truly not even close to being so. Actually quite on the contrary I’m quite an optimist and I do believe that switching off my air-conditioner before going to bed would help reduce my carbon foot-print and help the environment and I would gladly support everyone riding bicycles to work if our Senators would lead by example.
But then I recall the gas flaring going on in all the refineries and can still perceive a pungent smell on my vest from the left-over fumes of the Julius Berger truck that was in front of my car earlier today at the traffic jam. Also I faintly recall the number of siren vehicles numbering about 16 in number; big black V8 engineered, fuel-guzzling SUV’s that escorted a single obviously very important man from the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport into Abuja City. And then I hear on NN24 that China (The Dragon) is set to build a 100 new factories before 2012, with not a single one of them powered by solar energy or renewable energy and I say to myself, “Who really cares if the world comes to an end?”, and slowly switch back on my air-conditioner.
For more information on the signs of the End Times, read Matthew 24 Verse 6:13. Salvation is personal.
Jon Pol
The writer is a non-conformist and his views are not always “politically correct”. He runs a marketing agency: Jean-Paul and Associates Consultancy (www.jeanpaulconsult.com) and is genuinely interested in people, politics, places and the complexity of the human mind! He’ll like to hear your views on this piece. Follow, stalk or befriend him @ ebukaanichebe.blogspot.com. No, he doesn’t do Twitter (too much to say, but too little space)
On almost what seems a daily basis, we hear of disasters, genocides, economic failures of Western countries- a trend that was once exclusively the right of a 3rd World country in Africa is gradually becoming a reality for countries like Greece. We hear of stock market crashes, global recession, and multiple coordinated bomb blasts in Afghanistan and Iraq and the reverberations are felt in the Gaza border. We hear of Ugandan genocides and mass rape of women by soldiers. Not to forget the flooding in Pakistan, tsunamis, and mudslides in China. Oh and did I mention the bush fires and heat waves in Russia and earthquakes in Haiti? More so the mainstream media whispers of unconfirmed rumors of nuclear weapons being developed in Iran and North Korea. Like all that’s not enough to cause a heart-attack, we hear of global warming on a daily basis!
I wonder what it would feel like to be a man who enters a coma in 1999 to wake up ten years later and hear all this bad news at once, would he rather wish he had died?
However the rationale behind writing this, is not necessarily to remind you of all of the things that are wrong with our world today as we’re only too aware of it. Nevertheless I write to you because I was wondering whether or not these are the signs of the End Times as predicted in the Bible? Your guess is as good as mine!
A great churches and pastors and prophets that abound on our streets, our T.V sets, and radio stations are yet to begin shouting from the pulpits and rooftops “Repent for the Kingdom of God is at hand!” Perhaps we Nigerians are not eager to hear such bad news just yet? Especially since its not been confirmed by CNN. A great number of them keep preaching the Good News when bad news surrounds us. They keep telling the message of prosperity. I confronted a certain pastor the other day on why this is so, and he plainly said, “Oh! That’s not my ministry; we’re into prosperity and faith building”. Man! I was flabbergasted, even though some of you may argue that his reply is the best definition of good intentions. But I thought that was a job for motivational speakers and life coaches! Are the two now so closely intertwined that we can’t tell the difference? But I totally get his point though, after all one must never interrupt a good story with the truth!
And so we mortals trudge on in a single file, blindfolded, hands on the shoulders of the man in front of us, marching along singing “Hosanna” and falling over a cliff into the bottomless pit with our “faith” intact. Open your eyes and see clearly! Take a peek and you’ll soon see that there’s more to life than chasing paper. There’s more to living than rushing to buy the latest fashion trends, hottest new gadget, saving or using your credit cards to own the “baddest” new Mercedes Benz AMG, waiting till its weekend to go out clubbing. Open your eyes! The world may not be coming to an end in 2012 as predicted by the Mayans but who said it couldn’t happen sooner?
Never before in modern day history has so many natural disasters happened at such closely spaced intervals but no one wants to connect the dots. Now before you accuse me of being an alarmist, false prophet or a pessimist; I assure you, I am truly not even close to being so. Actually quite on the contrary I’m quite an optimist and I do believe that switching off my air-conditioner before going to bed would help reduce my carbon foot-print and help the environment and I would gladly support everyone riding bicycles to work if our Senators would lead by example.
But then I recall the gas flaring going on in all the refineries and can still perceive a pungent smell on my vest from the left-over fumes of the Julius Berger truck that was in front of my car earlier today at the traffic jam. Also I faintly recall the number of siren vehicles numbering about 16 in number; big black V8 engineered, fuel-guzzling SUV’s that escorted a single obviously very important man from the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport into Abuja City. And then I hear on NN24 that China (The Dragon) is set to build a 100 new factories before 2012, with not a single one of them powered by solar energy or renewable energy and I say to myself, “Who really cares if the world comes to an end?”, and slowly switch back on my air-conditioner.
For more information on the signs of the End Times, read Matthew 24 Verse 6:13. Salvation is personal.
Jon Pol
The writer is a non-conformist and his views are not always “politically correct”. He runs a marketing agency: Jean-Paul and Associates Consultancy (www.jeanpaulconsult.com) and is genuinely interested in people, politics, places and the complexity of the human mind! He’ll like to hear your views on this piece. Follow, stalk or befriend him @ ebukaanichebe.blogspot.com. No, he doesn’t do Twitter (too much to say, but too little space)
TO FORGIVE OR TO REVENGE?
Exactly 9 years ago, America- a nation who's slogan is "In God We Trust" decided not to trust in God anymore and take matters into their hands due to a provocation on U.S soil. So they attacked Afghanistan and later launched an attack on Iraqi.Today many years later, many lives have been lost,fear has been sown worldwide, a recession has occurred that can be linked with the wars, and no nuclear weapons have been found. A Chinese proverb says- The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.
Its what happens when man decides to leave God out of the matter and take laws into his own hands. We listened to George W. Bush, a man who's I.Q is unquestionably low if judging by his utterances and speeches. At the slightest provocation, agreed 3000 lives were lost, however a America with its bruised ego decided to abandon the principles of Christianity. Principles that propagate the need for forgiveness being superior than revenge and if a man should strike you on one cheek turn the other cheek. We decided to go against our better judgement and follow the lead of a spoiled heir to the White House and attack a small country and later went ahead to help the same man complete a mission his father couldn't accomplish- dethroning Saddam Hussein.
All that's history now though- the over $3 trillion dollars, over 5,000 U.S military lives that have been lost and an uncountable number of innocent civilian lives that have been lost in the past, are currently being lost even as I write this article and will continue to be lost in suicide bombings in Iraq and Afghanistan.
We can't rewind the past but we can learn lessons from it. Forgiveness is easier, cheaper and in the long run more effective than revenge. It doesn't always appear so, especially when your ego is hurting but take some Valium get some rest and you'll feel better when the pain goes. Forgiveness makes the offender have a bitter after taste of the poison he prepared for his victim.
I guess the Bible is right, I never quite understood it before when in Romans 12:20 it was said-"If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." I never quite did get it back then but now I do! The Bible said this in a context of not necessarily to consume, but to melt him into kindness; a metaphor taken from smelting metallic ores:So artists melt the sullen ore of lead by heaping coals of fire upon its head. In the kind warmth the metal learns to glow, and pure silver is the result. But rather than heaping coals on Osama's head, Bush heaped bombs on his sympathizers and country men.
I bet if George Bush made a speech after the bomb blasts and vowed to find the culprits and get Osama Bin Laden and not focus on getting back at their respective nations and friends, the world would be a better place and well-meaning Muslims would find a new respect and love for Christianity and that act would even bring others to conversion.
But America failed to live up to its Christianity and showed itself to be hypocrites and has lost a good share of the goodwill it has across the world. They've come out of this situation looking like an Imperialist nation eager to show their military prowess at the expense of their moral values. I probably won't get a U.S visa after this but truth be told,I can't be bothered. There's always Dubai...
Its been 9 years now since America under Bush labelled the Muslims terrorists and managed to create a polarized opinion on what being a Muslim really means amongst the 400million Americans. Its time to move on- depraved individuals masquerading as pastors like Reverend Jones and his Quran burning campaign team must be read the Riot Act and imprisoned. We must learn to focus on what we have in common and not bicker over our differences.
America gave us cigarettes that kills thousands of people yearly yet complain that Afghanistan has opium and want to regulate its trade and ban it. America has nuclear weapons and bickered and later lashed out wildly when in someone's figment of imagination- Iraq had nuclear weapons. Now they've been proven wrong! Did the Muslim world complain and lash out equally by stopping their oil trade supply to America? No!
Maybe the 1.5 billion Muslims in the world have a better grasp on the concept of forgiveness than they're given credit for? Perhaps America needs a Renaissance and rediscover the truth that we can't all be like them or the world would be a very flat dry place with only burgers, fake breasts implants, movies, cigarettes and I-Pods for fun!
No one ever truly felt better after achieving revenge. You get even and so what? Forgiveness trumps revenge everyday and twice on Sundays. We must learn to live together and tolerate one another. Having said that I must say the best way to commemorate the souls lost on September 11th 2001 is to approve the building of a multi-religious center to show true unity and start heaping the symbolic coals on the head of terrorists! To talk goodness is not good...Only to do it is.
Ebuka Anichebe
Its what happens when man decides to leave God out of the matter and take laws into his own hands. We listened to George W. Bush, a man who's I.Q is unquestionably low if judging by his utterances and speeches. At the slightest provocation, agreed 3000 lives were lost, however a America with its bruised ego decided to abandon the principles of Christianity. Principles that propagate the need for forgiveness being superior than revenge and if a man should strike you on one cheek turn the other cheek. We decided to go against our better judgement and follow the lead of a spoiled heir to the White House and attack a small country and later went ahead to help the same man complete a mission his father couldn't accomplish- dethroning Saddam Hussein.
All that's history now though- the over $3 trillion dollars, over 5,000 U.S military lives that have been lost and an uncountable number of innocent civilian lives that have been lost in the past, are currently being lost even as I write this article and will continue to be lost in suicide bombings in Iraq and Afghanistan.
We can't rewind the past but we can learn lessons from it. Forgiveness is easier, cheaper and in the long run more effective than revenge. It doesn't always appear so, especially when your ego is hurting but take some Valium get some rest and you'll feel better when the pain goes. Forgiveness makes the offender have a bitter after taste of the poison he prepared for his victim.
I guess the Bible is right, I never quite understood it before when in Romans 12:20 it was said-"If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." I never quite did get it back then but now I do! The Bible said this in a context of not necessarily to consume, but to melt him into kindness; a metaphor taken from smelting metallic ores:So artists melt the sullen ore of lead by heaping coals of fire upon its head. In the kind warmth the metal learns to glow, and pure silver is the result. But rather than heaping coals on Osama's head, Bush heaped bombs on his sympathizers and country men.
I bet if George Bush made a speech after the bomb blasts and vowed to find the culprits and get Osama Bin Laden and not focus on getting back at their respective nations and friends, the world would be a better place and well-meaning Muslims would find a new respect and love for Christianity and that act would even bring others to conversion.
But America failed to live up to its Christianity and showed itself to be hypocrites and has lost a good share of the goodwill it has across the world. They've come out of this situation looking like an Imperialist nation eager to show their military prowess at the expense of their moral values. I probably won't get a U.S visa after this but truth be told,I can't be bothered. There's always Dubai...
Its been 9 years now since America under Bush labelled the Muslims terrorists and managed to create a polarized opinion on what being a Muslim really means amongst the 400million Americans. Its time to move on- depraved individuals masquerading as pastors like Reverend Jones and his Quran burning campaign team must be read the Riot Act and imprisoned. We must learn to focus on what we have in common and not bicker over our differences.
America gave us cigarettes that kills thousands of people yearly yet complain that Afghanistan has opium and want to regulate its trade and ban it. America has nuclear weapons and bickered and later lashed out wildly when in someone's figment of imagination- Iraq had nuclear weapons. Now they've been proven wrong! Did the Muslim world complain and lash out equally by stopping their oil trade supply to America? No!
Maybe the 1.5 billion Muslims in the world have a better grasp on the concept of forgiveness than they're given credit for? Perhaps America needs a Renaissance and rediscover the truth that we can't all be like them or the world would be a very flat dry place with only burgers, fake breasts implants, movies, cigarettes and I-Pods for fun!
No one ever truly felt better after achieving revenge. You get even and so what? Forgiveness trumps revenge everyday and twice on Sundays. We must learn to live together and tolerate one another. Having said that I must say the best way to commemorate the souls lost on September 11th 2001 is to approve the building of a multi-religious center to show true unity and start heaping the symbolic coals on the head of terrorists! To talk goodness is not good...Only to do it is.
Ebuka Anichebe
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